What it's like to have a child with cancer......

I found this on another site and think it says how all the other Mothers feel just before test day.

Written by a Mother of two children Fighting with Cancer.

What its like to have a child with cancer

Picture your child sitting in the middle of the street

Picture yourself in your home watching your child from the window.

Everything inside you wants to reach out and save them

But you can't get out, all you can do is watch and pray that God is watching over them

You see them fall and cry for you to make it all better

But you can't get to them, they can see you and see your tears

And maybe hear your voice through all their tears.

You pray God will keep them safe.

You hear a car in the distance, but never know how far away it is, some days it seems really close other days even closer.

You know that at an moment that car may come and change your world all over again, in a split second you can be back to were you were when this all started or worse yet, the fight may be over.

Some days you start to feel a little more safe and back up from that window, walk over to the coach and sit down, when just then you hear that car again and in a second you are one with that window again, all those fears you tried so hard to put aside are back, more intense this time, feeling guilty for having let your guard down.

It makes leaving that window the next time that much harder.

We want to keep them close at all times for fear of the unthinkable.

At night when you leave their side to go to bed, you take one more quick peek at them to make sure all is well.

You lay in your bed hoping to see them tomorrow, not wanting that day to end, for as hard as it was that day they are here with you, and tomorrow is filled with the unknown, every day, night after night these are our fears.

We are exhausted in every way.

Our prayers from one night would fill God's book a million times over.

All you can do is pray to God to spare them, let them be safe.From that window you see the fear in their eyes, their hopes of the future, such a small child sitting their all alone, surrounded by love, but alone, fighting so hard, not wanting to let you down, for they are very smart, they know our sorrows.

Seeing your child sit there, wanting to help with all your might, But knowing in the end its them and their bodies that must do all the work, so much to ask of such a little person.

You'd never let your child sit there in the street, knowing that they could be taken from you at any moment, you would not just sit there and stare at them and pray to God to save them, you would pick them up, wrap your arms around them and hold them forever, keeping them safe.

Yet that is what us parents of children with cancer are asked to do every day.

Let them sit there and watch and wait and pray, pray hard.

Yes, I believe in God, but that doesn't stop my mother instincts to want to do something to help them.

How do we put everything we learned as parents aside, and simply hand it all over to God?

How is it decided which child shall live and which child will pass on?

Why is it that some children struggle so very hard and win their battle only to have it return with much more vengeance?

Why do some children sail right through their treatment and then die suddenly?

How are we to make sense of any of this?

With each clinic appt. brings the possibility of a relapse, no matter how great they look or how wonderful they feel.

If only we could judge their health by the way they look on the outside.

We are supposed to protect them, to keep them safe from harm, who said cancer could make all the calls?

I never agreed to that, I am their mother and I will fight for them, with every ounce of my being.

Cancer may be calling the shots, but it will not win this game, not with my children, not with any of our children, we are so very weak, but so very strong, this bravery we have we get from our children, our little heroes, fighting every day with all their might.

Pray for them.